As a designer, I have understood for a long time the importance of familiarity to someone's perception of beauty. What I mean by that is simply this, as people become more familiar with something, no matter how odd, strange, or new, they will tend to appreciate that thing or person or whatever it is, as more beautiful or endearing than they did initially. The object, which was once regarded as foreign, may, over time, begin to secure a place of value in the heart of the beholder. This is often why it is so easy for someone's taste or sense of style to change. Given the time, even the newest, hottest, trendiest things will lapse into nostalgia.
As I am typically slow to connect the dots between the seemingly disparate compartments of my life, I am just now understanding how applicable the above phenomenon is to marriage. For the first month or two of marriage with Jess, both of us seemed to be uncomfortable in our new stage of life. Those initial months of life together were not bad, just strange and awkward and foreign. Both of us had grown very fond of our lives as individuals for twenty four years. Not only had we mastered the art of living autonomously, but we had become quite familiar with the routines of our dating/engaged relationship. The return from the honeymoon exposed us to a strange, unfamiliar world of life not as individuals but as a new creature in Christ (Another example of Christ's promise in 2 Cor. 5:17 to me). I was confused about how I could be in love with such an amazing girl as Jess, and yet simultaneously, so frustrated with her. She seemed to feel the similarly towards me. I am realizing now that the first months of our marriage were requiring us to die to ourselves as individuals and learn to live and love as a new family unit before the Lord. You see we had become so familiar with the way things had always been, that we were resisting the change to our new fortunate circumstances.
As C.S Lewis observes, "The Christian idea of marriage is based on Christ's words that a man and wife are to be regarded as a single organism- for that is what the words 'one flesh' would be in modern English. And the Christians believe that when He said this He was not expressing a sentiment but stating a fact-just as on is stating a fact when one says that a lock and its key are one mechanism, or that a violin and a bow are one musical instrument." You see, Jess and I were (and are still!) learning to be one instrument. Lewis also writes about the state of 'being in love' in a way that Jess and I have witnessed in our own marriage. "This is," he writes, "I think, one little part of what Christ meant by saying that a thing will not really live unless it first dies. It is simply no good trying to keep any thrill: that is the very worst thing you can do. Let the thrill [the state of being "in love"] go-let it die away-and go on through that period of death into the quieter interest and happiness that follow-and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills all the time." Not that anything so tragic or morbid has happened in our marriage or that our romantic love for each other has been eroded, but I feel much differently now about Jessica than I ever have. A much quieter, contented, happier love has grown in my heart for her than ever existed when I loved her as one individual loves another individual.
As her being part of me as a single instrument has become more familiar to me, I find myself seeing a girl who is more beautiful, more desirable, and more loving than the girl I first married. The way she moves her hands when she is happy, the way she giggles in the mornings when she has slept well, the way she looks at me when she is pleased with me, the way she smells after a shower, the time we spend before and after work, the way she tries so hard to be the best wife ever, all have nestled their way into my affections and make me appreciate her and enjoy her more than I ever could have before I began to share my life with her. I am learning again that familiarity leads to beauty.
eric
That's right, even Santa is a Saints fan!
Beautiful Jackson Square.
Cafe Du Monde, enough said.
Hot, hubs... also, enough said.
Ok, so this isn't really very "New Orleans", but this is probably my favorite store bought sweet tea. I became addicted to this in college, since it's an Alabama product. I was PUMPED to know they sell this in NOLA, at the local Walgreens. YES!
